Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
