Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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