Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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