My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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