so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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