If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
