He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
