I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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