fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
