the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
