Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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