So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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