The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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