I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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