oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
