This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
