he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
