Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
