I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
