I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I would fuck him just for his dog
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
