the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
