My boss' voice literally gives me gas
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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