She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
