I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
