the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
