Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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