apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
