Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
