He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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