This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
