You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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