Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
