What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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