Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm both gender and math confused
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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