new low.... made out with someone while peeing
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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