i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
