is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
