Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
