Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
