I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
