every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize