You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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