I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
