You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
