As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
