I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
