I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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