first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
