Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
