wakey wakey hands off snakey
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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