I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
