I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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