Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
